“If only…”

“I followed all of the rules, man’s and God’s. And you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more. Samuel, Father, and my… even my own wife.”

– Alfred to his brother Tristan in the film, Legends of the Fall (1994)

Hi everyone,

I have always loved the scene from the film, Legends of the Fall quoted above. It’s agonizing to hear Alfred as he finally puts his heartbreak into words after a lifetime of trying to be good by following all the rules. Despite all his efforts, it didn’t bring him what he longed for. Love never came, not from his father, his brothers, or even his wife. In anger and disbelief, he tells his rule-breaking, rebellious brother Tristan (Brad Pitt), “…they all loved you more.”

There are many times and in many ways that no matter what we do, we don’t get the result we hoped for.

  • How do we know when to stop trying to change a situation?
  • How do we ‘let go’ when it means facing agonizing disappointment and heartbreak?
  • How do we accept the many situations in life where we are ultimately helpless or powerless?

Learning to grieve well is an essential part of living, yet, it isn’t easy when we live in a culture that tries so hard to avoid it.

The Living Ubuntu Winter Retreat, will be Friday January 25 – Sunday January 27, 2013 in Julian, California. Our theme for this next one is — “If Only… Grief and The Long, Long, Long Road to Acceptance”.

Yes, actually, we did chose this topic on purpose to come right after the Holiday season.  All details are below and on our websiteTo create an emotionally safe, secure space, we are limiting attendance to 10 people.  Please let us know if you would like to join us.


Barbara English
Executive Director, Living Ubuntu
(949) 891-2005

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“If only . . .”

Grief and the long, long, long road to acceptance

2013 Living Ubuntu Winter Retreat

Friday to Sunday, January 25-27 2013

Julian, CA

Click here to find out more »

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