“If only . . .”
Grief and the long, long, long road to acceptance…
“If only I was prettier, then he’d want me.”
“If only I could find the ‘right’ way to say it, then she’d understand.”
“If only I can be there for her enough, I could save her.”
“If only I keep quiet, it’ll all work out in the end.”
“If only I just keep going, I know it’ll be ok.”
“If only I could get a better _______, my family would be proud of me.”
Some aspects of life are hard to accept ‘as is’, yet, there are limits on what we can influence or control. In this society, we frequently go to great lengths to avoid painful realities, and we avoid the very thing that would help us reach acceptance, being at peace with ‘what is’. Far too often, we don’t grieve.
We see it in:
- the chronic seeking to win acceptance of those who have rejected us by pleasing, performing and doing everything possible to try to finally be deemed worthy, loveable and good-enough.
- the downcast eyes and low energy of collapse when resignation has set in.
- the oppressive wielding of power as a weapon, heels dug in, tightened fists and jaw defiantly refusing to give up, insisting they are going to “make it happen”.
- those who perceive ‘justice’ as ‘revenge’.
- the refusal to be vulnerable.
- the denial of normal human limitations.
- the defense against recognizing the helplessness of life and accepting the fragility inherent in living an ‘alive’ human life.
We give up when we ought to hang in there, and we refuse to let go when surrender would be best. Either way, we lose.
If we don’t grieve well, we stay stuck in our illusions. We fight the wrong demons. We’re chronically unfulfilled because we reach for the thing that isn’t what we really want.
Underneath, we have angst. We have quiet desperation. We stay busy because we don’t know what else to do. We have lost access to the natural rhythm of life. We can’t even hear our own wise inner-knowing.
We don’t really live. We don’t really love. At least, not in the ways we could…
We need to grieve… and… we can’t do it alone.
This is what we’ll be addressing in our Winter Retreat in January. All details are below. To create an emotionally safe, secure space, we are limiting attendance to 10 people. Hope you will join us.
If only we could think of the right thing to say, people would come to our retreat…
:) Barbara & Anshul
Founders, Living Ubuntu
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
– Hermann Hesse
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2013 Living Ubuntu Winter Retreat
Friday to Sunday, January 25–27 2013
Julian, CA. Here are the cabin details.
$195 per person. This includes food and lodging for the weekend.
If there is any financial hardship, please get in touch with us. We will do our best to accommodate your situation.
Barbara English is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist with over 20 years of experience in the field. As a Certified Bioenergetic Therapist, she works from a mind-body perspective, and utilizes relational somatic methods as part of the process toward healing and a sense of well-being. Much of her training has focused on Early Development, Infant Mental Health, and healing after abuse or trauma. She is the co-founder and Executive Director of Living Ubuntu.
Like at our past retreats, we will:
- Arrive at the cabin by mid-day on Friday and leave for home on Sunday afternoon. We will arrange a carpool to drive up together (leaving Friday morning).
- Lunch and dinner will be provided, as well as supplies for breakfast (on your own). Meals will be vegetarian, and organic as much as possible.
- The daily schedule will include multiple sessions of body work (e.g. Bioenergetic grounding exercises, and TRE).
- Most bedrooms will be shared (i.e. with roommate).
- To create a safe, secure space, we are limiting attendance to no more than 10 people.
To register, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org or call (949) 891-2005.
Space is limited and 50% deposit is due by December 21, payable to Living Ubuntu, 1151 Dove Street #210, Newport Beach CA 92660.
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